| If a woman says ____ She
really means ____
40-ish_______________________49
Adventurer___Has had more partners than you ever will.
Athletic________________Flat-chested.
Average looking_____________Ugly.
Beautiful______________Pathological liar.
Contagious Smile______Bring your penicillin.
Educated_______________College drop-out.
Emotionally secure________Medicated.
Feminist_______________Fat; ball buster.
Free spirit_____________Substance user.
Friendship first__Trying to live down reputation as a slut.
Fun________________________Annoying.
Gentle_____________________Comatose.
Good Listener_________Borderline autistic.
New-Age__________All body hair, all the time.
Old-Fashioned___Lights out, missionary position only.
Open-minded________________Desperate.
Outgoing_____________________Loud.
Passionate___________________Loud.
Poet________________Depressive Schizophrenic.
Professional______________Real Witch.
Redhead__________Shops the Clairol section.
Reubenesque______________Grossly fat.
Romantic_________Looks better by candle light.
Voluptuous_________________Very fat.
Weight proportional to height___Tall and fat.
Wants Soulmate____One step away from stalking.
Widow____________Nagged first husband to death.
Young at heart__________Toothless granny.
52 Good Reasons Why Beer is Better than Women:
1.You can enjoy a beer all night long.
2.Beer stains wash out.
3.You don't have to wine and dine beer.
4.A beer will wait in the car while you go and play football.
5.When your beer goes flat, you toss it out.
6.Beer is never late.
7.A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.
8.Hangovers go away
9.Beer labels come off without a fight.
10.When you go to a bar, you can always pick up a beer.
11.Beer never has a headache.
12.After you've had a beer, the bottle is still worth 5 cents.
13.A beer won't get upset if you come home and have another a beer.
14.If you pour a beer right, you'll always get good a head.
15.A beer goes down easy.
16.You can have more than one beer in a night and not feel guilty.
17.You can share a beer with your friends.
18.You always know you're the first one to pop a beer.
19.Beer is always wet.
20.Beer doesn't demand equality.
21.You can have a beer in public.
22.A beer doesn't care when you come.
23.A frigid beer is a good beer.
24.You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good.
25.If you change beers, you don't have to pay alimony.
26.You can't catch social diseases from a beer.
27.When you're interrupted by a beer it's for a good reason.
28.A beer is always satisfying.
29.A beer gets lighter the longer you hold it.
30.A beer won't tell you its pregnant for fun.
31.A beer does not come with inlaws.
32.No matter what the package, a beer still looks good.
33.To cool off a beer, all you have to do is put it in the ice-box.
34.All you have to do to get over a beer is take a leak.
35.Beer doesn't complain about farting.
36.The only thing a beer tells you is when its time to go to the bathroom.
37.You are never embarressed about the beer you bring to a party.
38.It's okay to leave a party with a different beer than the one you
bought.
39.Beer won't drive you to drink.
40.You can shoot a beer.
41.A beer chaser is easier to catch.
42.You don't need a license to live with a beer.
43.A tree is good enough for a beer.
44.Beer doesn't grow hair where it shouldn't.
45.Beer doesn't care how much you earn.
46.Beer and "ice" don't mix.
46.Beer won't complain about your choice of vacation! It goes along
happily.
48.Beer doesn't care if you go to sleep right after you've had it.
49.Beer is happy to ride in the trunk of your car.
50.You never have to promise to respect a beer in the morning.
51.Beer never complains about a wet spot.
52.You can put all your old beers together in one room and the choice
of a drunk generation.
Top 10 Sexist jokes
1.I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months -- I don't like to interrupt
her.
2.A man without a woman is like a fish without a bicycle.
3.If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would
you go to lunch or to a movie?
4.Yesterday scientists in the USA revealed that beer contains small
traces of female hormones.
5.To prove their theory they fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed
that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive...
6.I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
7.It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only
seems longer.
8.Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was damned near impossible.
9.A man complaining to a friend: "I had it all--money, a beautiful
house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman ... then ... pow! it was
all gone!"
"What happened?" asked the friend.
"Ahhhh ... my wife found out ..."
Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
Husband: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light
on.
10.Whats the difference between a woman and washing machien?
A washing machein doesn't think you love it after you put a load
in. |
