| Training Courses Now Available for Men:
1. Introduction to Common Household Objects I: The Mop
2. Introduction to Common Household Objects II: The Sponge
3. Dressing Up: Beyond the Funeral and the Wedding
4. Refrigerator Forensics: Identifying and Removing the Dead
5. Design Pattern or Splatter Stain on the Linoleum?:You CAN Tell the
Difference!
6. If It's Empty, You Can Throw It Away: Accepting Loss I
7. If the Milk Expired Three Weeks Ago, Keeping It In the Refrigerator
Won't Bring It Back: Accepting Loss II
8. Going to the Supermarket: It's Not Just for Women Anymore!
9. Recycling Skills I: Boxes that the Electronics Came In
10. Recycling Skills II: Styrofoam that Came in the Boxes that the
Electronics Came In
11. Bathroom Etiquette I: How to Remove Mustache Clippings from the
Sink
12. Bathroom Etiquette II: Let's Wash Those Towels!
13. Bathroom Etiquette III: Five Easy Ways to Tell When You're About
to Run Out of Toilet Paper!
14. Giving Back to the Community: How to Donate 15-Year-Old Levis to
the Goodwill
15. Retro? Or Just Hideous?: Re-examining Your 1970s Polyester Shirts
16. No, The Dishes Won't Wash Themselves: Knowing the Limitations of
Your Kitchenware
17. Romance: More Than a Cable Channel!
18. Strange But True!: She Really May NOT Care What "Fourth Down and
Ten" Means
19. Going Out to Dinner: Beyond Pizza Hut
20. Expand Your Entertainment Options: Renting Movies That Don't Fall
Under the "Action/Adventure" Category
21. Yours, Mine, and Ours: Sharing the Remote
22. "I Could Have Played a Better Game Than That!": Why Women Laugh
23. Adventures in Housekeeping I: Let's Clean the Closet
24. Adventures in Housekeeping II: Let's Clean Under the Bed
25. "I Don't Know": Be the First Man to Say It!
26. The Gas Gauge in Your Car: Sometimes Empty MEANS Empty
27. Directions: It's Okay to Ask for Them
28. Listening: It's Not Just Something You Do During Halftime
29. Accepting Your Limitations: Just Because You Have Power Tools
Doesn't Mean You Can Fix It
How To Impress A Woman:
Compliment her,
respect her,
honor her,
cuddle her,
kiss her, caress her,
love her, stroke her,
tease her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hug her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine and dine her,
buy things for her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
support her,
hold her,
go to the ends of the Earth for her.
How To Impress A Man:
Show up naked.
Bring food.
Men Are Like...
Men are like ... newborn babies
They're cute at first, but you get tired of picking up their crap.
Men are like ... coffee
The best ones are rich, hot and can keep you up all night.
Men are like ... computers.
Hard to figure out and never enough memory.
Men are like ... coolers.
Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.
Men are like ... chocolate bars.
Sweet, smooth and they usually head right for your hips.
Men are like ... power tools
They make a lot of noise, but it's hard to get them to work.
Men are like ... remote controls
Simple. Easy to use. And usually lying around a TV.
Men are like .... shag carpets.
Soft, fuzzy and extremely easy to walk on.
Men are like ... vacuum cleaners
They're not much fun, but at least you get to push them around.
Men are like ... road kill
They usually just lie around until they start to smell.
Men are like ... soap operas
They're fun to watch, but don't believe everything you hear.
Men are like ... pillows
Eventually, even the best ones get soft and lumpy.
Men are like ... old car tires
Balding, full of hot air, and it never hurts to have a spare.
Men are like ... plastic wrap
Cheap. Clingy. And very easy to see through.
Men are like ... department stores
Their clothes should always be half off.
Men are like ... horoscopes.
They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
Men are like ... plungers.
They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.
If a man says___ He means___
40-ish_____________55 and looking for a 25 year old.
Athletic__________Sits on the couch and watches ESPN.
Average looking___Unusual hair growth on ears,nose, and back.
Educated___________Will always treat you like an idiot.
Free Spirit_____Will sleep with your sister, friends, pets...
Friendship first____As long as friendship involves nudity.
Fun_________________Good with a remote and a six pack.
Good looking____________________Arrogant.
Honest_____________________Pathological liar.
Huggable_________Overweight, more body hair than a bear.
Like to cuddle_________Insecure, overly dependent.
Mature_________________Until you get to know him
Open-minded______Wants to also sleep with your sister.
Physically fit__Spends a lot of time in admiring himself.
Poet________________Has written on a bathroom stall.
Spiritual_______Once went to church with his grandmother.
Stable___________Occasional stalker, but never arrested.
Thoughtful________Says "please" when demanding a beer. |
